How to stop feeling “not good enough” in 5 steps
In this article, you will discover:
How to overcome negative thought patterns, self-doubt and limiting beliefs.
The 5 R’s steps: Relabel, Reattribute, Refocus, Revalue, and Recreate.
Those steps are described by Dr Gabor Maté who uses the following alliteration (the 5 Rs) related to how we can change our self-limiting beliefs:
Relabel.
Reattribute.
Refocus.
Revalue.
Recreate.
How to RELABEL our thoughts
Relabeling refers to the story and the belief that is limiting to us. It consists in recognizing the belief for what it is.
For example, if we take something like workaholism. If you think “I need to go to work, I need to do this work”, relabeling consist in thinking “I don't need to do this work, I just have a belief that I need to do this work”.
This step of relabeling just takes a degree of separation from the behavior.
And actually, it's true, it's not that you need to do all this work, but you have this belief.
So relabeling consists in saying it for what it is.
Relabeling involves identifying and redefining limiting beliefs such as recognizing that the need to work for validation is a belief rather than a necessity.
How to REATRRIBUTE our beliefs
Reattribution then helps you understand where these beliefs originated from, allowing you to see that limiting self-perceptions like “I am not worth it” may stem from external influences rather than reflecting reality.
So, if you have relabeled it, “I don't have to work to feel a sense of validation but I have a belief that I do”, and then you reattribute it, it means that you get clear on where this belief is come from.
So if you have the belief that you're not worth it: “it's not true that I'm not worth it, I just have a belief that I'm not worth it.”. Or “it may not be true that I'm not worth it but I do have a belief that I'm not worth it”.
Reattribute means recognizing that this is an old brain circuit sending me an old and wrong message; it has nothing to do with reality, it has to do with some experience that I had a long time ago, that's the real attribute.
How to REFOCUS our attention
Refocus consists in giving yourself some space. You basically create space between the belief and yourself by putting the intention elsewhere, even for a moment.
So, if you ever say “uh I need to go to work uh…”, refocus means that, for example: “maybe in 5 minutes I'll go to work, but for 5 minutes I won't, I'm going to put on some piece of music or go for a walk or meditate or whatever”.
So you refocus, you put your attention somewhere else, just so that to prove to yourself that you actually have some agency over your brain, if only for five minutes.
If you have this belief that “I'm not worth it”, you can go back to it in 5 minutes if you want, but just for 5 minutes though, consider all the ways that you made a contribution, consider all the ways that people have acknowledged your benign the presence in their lives, the times that people told you that they have loved you or that you told somebody else. Just for five minutes, hang out with that.
If 5 minutes later, you want to go back to this belief, or if you can't help going back to this belief that you're not worth it, well, accept it as a first step, but at least start creating some space.
It's all about creating space between yourself and these beliefs or these behaviors.
Refocusing encourages you to shift your attention away from limiting beliefs, allowing for healthier coping mechanisms like music, walking or meditation.
During those five minutes, you are also proving to yourself that you don't have to spend all your time subjected to those beliefs. You can take a break from it, at least for a while.
And you can realize that your beliefs are not you, and you are not your beliefs.
How to REVALUE our beliefs
Re-value or Re-evaluate consists in looking at the actual impact of the belief on your life. This is when you ask yourself: “What had been the actual value this belief that I'm not worth it? What has been the actual value of it in my life? What has been the actual value of this tendency of mine to be a workaholic? What has been the actual value?”.
Then, you realize: “oh! it made me tired, it made me alienated, or it kept me depressed or it keeps me hopelessly trying to prove something which I can never prove to myself anyway through external activity”.
So, you actually look at what has been its actual impact on your life, what has been his real value.
How to RECREATE your life
This 5th step consists in replacing the belief with something more positive and allows you to be a creator of the life you see yourself capable of living. Instead of living in the creation and eyes of others, it advises you to paint a picture of what you really want and stay true to that intention. It’s not just about setting an intention that will allow you to succeed, as there will be stumbles along the way, but about keeping it close to your heart and getting back to it when things don’t go according to plan.
Conclusion
We have explored the 5 Rs: simple steps to break free from limiting beliefs and compulsive impulses or obsessive behaviors.
By practicing these steps, you can gradually gain control over limiting beliefs and obsessive behaviors, paving the way for a different, healthier and more fulfilling life. This is a process, not a short-term “fix”, but utilizing these steps might be a powerful way to achieve long-term recovery.
Now, ask yourself:
what belief is holding me back?
which step will I take today to change my story?
You are not your thoughts. Your thoughts are not you.
You can change the way your brain recognizes and responds to addictive or compulsive impulses.
And you have the power to rewrite your story by changing your belief system.